Damn! i have done it again! stevie any chance you could move this into the writing section?

Interesting concept. There are a number of books that deal with these kinds of topics, some are fiction some are non-fiction/investigation, you might find a lot of useful reference information in some of these books (particularly the investigation ones), more than likely they would really fire your imagination with a load of additional ideas (could turn your short story into a not-so-short story )

Main thing I think you will need to revise though is the speech by the God, it doesn't sound very god-like! You need to put yourself in their position, you are millions of years old, you see human lifes come and go like a flash, you hold the power of life and death over these insignificant beings. How would you talk you them then?

I have now edited it I would like to know what you all think please give it a try even though it does look long its not really. Thankyou for the advice stevie, its really helped.

Year 2266 scientists are inspecting The Pyramids and Stonehenge. The scientists at The Pyramids find a hidden chamber within the great pyramid with ancient scriptures inside it. The Ancient Scriptures that people had been trying to find since the pyramids, the carvings contained the secrets of The Pyramids and Stonehenge. “Finally years of searching have finally paid off we have found the scriptures and have nearly unlocked the secrets!” exclaimed the head scientist. He went over to a wall and read a chant off it. The writing was labelled The Key To Unlock All it read:
“I call upon the forces of nature, of life and the gods. Unleash the divine being. Break the oath and unlock all bring the power back. Put together the puzzle that was never supposed to be put back together do it now. I command you!”
A great power surrounded him as he ended the chant and he fell to his knees as the whole earth shook as the gods quaked in their boots. The power that should not have been unlocked was unlocked and came flooding into the chamber of Kazhaksún. A great light lit up the chamber and a blue vortex formed, from that vortex emerged a divine being a beautiful Goddess with six wings. She stood there clothed in a gown of purple and blue, her hair was long, a golden colour glowing with silver, she bore a necklace, bracelet and ring of gold all set with a multicoloured stone that swirled constantly, in her right hand she held a long golden staff with a large stone of the same kind as her jewellery on the top. She looked at the scientists and spoke to them in a soft, slightly melodic voice full of power and command “Which one of you fools has unleashed me?”
The head scientist named Andrew stepped forward and said in a strong clear voice “I did. I unleashed you. Although I did not know what I was doing I was just reading the writing off the stone tablet and then the whole chamber shook as if the gods were quaking in their boots. If there is one you should punish make it me I am the fool the others here standing behind me had nothing to do with the chant.” With that he bowed and stepped back.
“No I do not want to punish you I am grateful that I have finally been freed after thousands of years being trapped in this chamber I thank you for that. I am the divine being The Goddess Kardinia. But when you unleashed me you also unleashed a great evil that was locked away with me. I am afraid that although I stopped the evil before I can not stop it now for my powers are locked away.”
“Does this mean the end of the world?” said Andrew.
“No but it could be there are two children who can help me unlock my powers and help me destroy the evil.” She said softly.
“May I ask another question?” replied Andrew.
“Yes of course go ahead” said Kardinia
“Why do you treat me as an equal?”
“I may be the divine being but we are all alive and I respect you all as you respect me, your lives pass like the blink of an eye to me but I still respect every living being that’s what makes me the divine being, because its more about respecting the other living beings not them worshipping you, my powers are for good only not for my enjoyment or to make beings worship me, do you understand now?” she said.
“Yes its all clear now thank you.” said Andrew.
“No more questions now I have an order for you and your fellows. You all must go back into the world and repeat nothing of what has happened but search for the girl name Eirevin Kasdinia Lirefatch also search for the boy Dariianisus Leaneafold they are both 14 and live in England that is all I know to help you. They do not know it but they are the only ones who can save you and this planet, now that the evil is free. They are the ones to unlock my power and help me destroy this evil. They each bear a ring similar to the one I have you. Do this all discreetly as the evil force ahs his own alliances and will also search for them. Once the girl and boy are found take them to Stonehenge there I shall meet you. If help is needed shout out Kardinia The Goddess, The Divine Being we need you here right now hear our plea. Do you all understand?”
“Yes” said all the scientists
“Right now I shall transport you all to England, and remember me discreet.”
“How shall you get us there?” a scientist named Trisha asked.
“Never underestimate the power of a god, my powers may be locked away but I still possess simple abilities such as instant translocation. Now no more to be spoken were going.”
There was a great flash and they were instantly transported to Stonehenge. “I leave you here until you have found Eirevin Kasdinia Lirefatch and Dariianisus Leaneafold farewell for now.”
There was a flash of blue light and she was gone…….

remember you can edit your post after you have posted, just press the button.

yea i'm thinking about that i want to get the whole book done then i'll edit it properly i have some more here its still very weak though. i have also planned 16 chapters but i have a long way to go its early day yet.
“Eirevin, Eirevin wake up, come on now wake up!” said Melissa.
“Oh Mother do I have to?” said Eirevin.
“Yes you do, get up NOW! Eirevin Kasdinia Lirefatch I demand that you get out of bed now you are going to be late!” Melissa shouted to her daughter Eirevin.
“Fine I’m getting up mother see look I’m out of bed ok?” said Eirevin as she climbed out of bed. Eirevin is a 5.7ft, 14 year old girl with long brown hair, blue eyes and looks like just about any other teenager except for the her ring, nobody has ever seen one quite like it, it looks like any other gold ring except for the stone in the centre of it, the stone is multicoloured and the colours swirl. She received this ring the day she was born, it came in the post the very moment she was born and has always been with her since then. “What am I going to be late for?”
“Your registry meeting of course!” said Melissa.
“Oh yea I forgot sorry mum I’ll just get dressed and do my hair and I’ll be ready, why do I have to have my name reregistered anyway?” she said.
“I don’t know something to do with knowing how many people there are in the country, it’s become a law that once a child turns 14 they have to go to a registry meeting and get reregistered. Now get dressed!” with that Melissa turned and went out of the room.
An hour later Eirevin and her mother were at the registry office, “come on mother we’ll miss it and you were telling me we were going to be late!” exclaimed Eirevin. They walked inside and went to the desk. “Name please” said the bored voice of the receptionist.
“Um Eirevin Kasdinia Lirefatch.” Eirevin replied.
“Please be seated” sighed the receptionist, “Next”
They took seats next to a blonde girl and dark head boy. Eirevin sighed and studied her ring which she had in her hands, ‘I just wish knew who sent it, it would be nice to have some answers, I’m always in the dark’ she thought. “Eirevin I’m just going to the toilet ok?” her mother said.
“Yea sure whatever mother.” said Eirevin absent mindedly still examining her ring. “Eirevin Kasdinia Lirefatch, please go to room six.” said the bored receptionist. Eirevin put her ring away and got up thinking ‘great mum’s not here and I have my interview oh well she can’t embarrass me that has to be a plus, doesn’t it?’ “right, number four.”

thanks, erm i was going to make that dark haired boy Dariianisus but i'm thinking of introducing him alot later although it is a good idea for her to just have glimpses of this guy and then finally meet him. to be honest i don't really know but i amm very serious about writing it and you guys are like the first people to view it but i won't be putting much more on becuase of copy right somebody might steal my ideas...i really don't wan't that happening so i guess its gonna be like its title its gonna be a secret!

it a good story

---

Full On Design