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Don't want to start a new thread for this, so I guess it will be suitable here...
Found this posted on the IMDB. Is really quite funny, and oh so true!!
There are spoilers to the film, and you'll probably only get a lot of it if you have seen the film, so no point of reading if you haven't!
The Matrix Revolutions: the abridged script by Diego Doval
INT: Inside the Hammer Hovercraft. We begin were Reloaded left off six months ago.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Come on Keanu, wake up.
SOME MEDICAL OFFICER
His brain pattern looks as if he's jacked in to the Matrix. Even though it's ridiculous, since there is no way that could happen, that seems to be how things are. That's okay though: who even remembers that we're in a ship called the Hammer, if we only refer to it by name?
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
I'm still worried about Keanu.
SOME MEDICAL OFFICER
Yeah. I would be too.
They exhange SERIOUS GLANCES. The Medical officer leaves. Laurence Fishburne SHOWS UP.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Let's go see the Oracle. She's always fun.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Ok.
They go see THE ORACLE.
INT: The Oracle's crappy apartment.
The Oracle looks DIFFERENT. It's ANOTHER actress.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Who are you? And where is Gloria Foster?
NEW NEW ORACLE
I am the eventuality of an anomaly...--- no, no. Strike that. I'm the Oracle, like Gloria Foster was, but there was some kind of thingamagic that turned me younger. Or I was deleted and subsequently rebooted. Or something.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Ok. (doesn't believe her). Where is Neo?
NEW NEW ORACLE
Neo is in a train station. The train station is used by programs who want to escape from the Matrix.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
What? And where do they go?
NEW NEW ORACLE
Beats me. But the Merovingian is involved, which is handy since his contract hasn't run out yet. So you have to go see him to a nightclub. This guy here (points to the Seraph) will go with you, since his contract hasn't run out either.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Ok.
NEW NEW ORACLE
Beware.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Why?
NEW NEW ORACLE
There will be lots of leather, plastic, and S&M stuff.
INT: The train station. All white and clean. Kinda comfy.
Keanu Reeves WAKES UP. There's a LITTLE GIRL standing NEXT TO HIM
LITTLE GIRL
Hi, I'm Sati. I am an all-powerful entity disguised as a child. This helps us pretend that this whole thing is still mysterious. Somehow.
KEANU REEVES
You're not as bad acting as that kid who played Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode I, are you?
LITTLE GIRL
No.
KEANU REEVES
Yes you are.
The little girl's FATHER shows up. Her MOTHER too.
LITTLE GIRL'S FATHER
Hey, long time no see.
KEANU REEVES
Do I know you?
LITTLE GIRL'S FATHER
Sure you do. I appeared for a split-second in Reloaded, remember?
KEANU REEVES
Ah, right. I remember you. (he doesn't).
LITTLE GIRL'S FATHER
I am a program, as is my wife. But we had a child anyway. Thought it would be fun. All you need is love, like John Lennon said. We are waiting for a train to let our child escape, and only she will go, but inexplicably we will get on the train with her. That aside, we are here for no particular reason.
KEANU REEVES
Cool.
INT: Garage, the entrance to the Merovingian's club, ominously called Club Hell.
SERAPH
Although it looks like a nightclub, this is a heavily armed facility full of deadly programs. We're going to get through them anyway after fighting them upside down.
They DO get through them. The upside down FIGHT looks COOL. They reach the MEROVINGIAN.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Give us Keanu.
MEROVINGIAN
Ok. But you have to give me the eyes of the Oracle in exchange.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
She's a program. It's all a simulation. How could I give you the eyes of a piece of software? Read the script goddamn it!
MEROVINGIAN
Oh, well, it was worth a try. Nevermind.
Something HAPPENS. Carrie-Anne Moss gets the UPPER HAND. Apparently. She points a gun at the Merovingian but has 20 guns POINTED AT HER.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
I said, give us Keanu, or we all die.
MONICA BELLUCI
She's in love.
MEROVINGIAN
(curses in French) Ok.
Carrie-Anne RESCUES Keanu from the train station. They are about to LEAVE, and go back to the REAL WORLD.
EXT: The Matrix
KEANU REEVES
I have to go see the Oracle.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Are you crazy? You know how long it takes us to set up an escape point? Do you remember how we ran around half the Matrix to get to one in the previous two movies?
KEANU REEVES
Yeah, but that's not a problem anymore. We've done enough chase scenes already.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Ok. (shrugs) Go see the Oracle then. You're not plugged in anyway, plus, you can fly.
INT: The Oracle's crappy apartment.
LITTLE GIRL
Hi Keanu.
NEW NEW ORACLE
Hey Keanu. (to the little girl) Sati, go somewhere else now. We have already established that you are here even though you were supposed to have left in the train, and people in the audience should be confused enough already.
LITTLE GIRL
Ok. (Leaves)
KEANU REEVES
(to the oracle) Who are you?
NEW NEW ORACLE
(rolls her eyes). Again with that? Look, I like candy. Isn't that enough to make you think I'm the same as before, even though I look, talk, and act differently?
KEANU REEVES
Ok, I believe you. (he believes her). Tell me why you didn't say anything about all the other versions of the Matrix, the Architect, and so on, when we talked in Reloaded.
NEW NEW ORACLE
Well, the audience wasn't... --- I mean, you were not ready to know yet.
KEANU REEVES
And how come I can see and affect the Matrix from the real world now? What was up with the Sentinels at the end of the previous movie? How could I stop them?
NEW NEW ORACLE
It's a mystery. You were not ready then. That's why you went into a coma. You should have died. But you were not ready to die. Besides, if you died, we couldn't do this movie. Also, I don't see that as a problem since you obviously have a wide range of super-powers, such as hacking into a computer system without any equipment.
KEANU REEVES
Right. And what should I do now?
NEW NEW ORACLE
I see darkness spreading. I see empty movie theaters. I see us making millions and millions of dollars anyway. Everything that has a beginning has an end. You have to try to stop Hugo Weaving, because even though he's a piece of software running in a simulated reality, he is impossible to stop. The holes are too big.
KEANU REEVES
The holes?
NEW NEW ORACLE
Plot-holes.
KEANU REEVES
Cool. See you.
Keanu LEAVES.
INT: The Hammer
Keanu WAKES UP in the ship, PLUGGED IN, even though HE WASN'T before, when he showed up at the TRAIN STATION.
THE WACHOWSKI BROTHERS
Phew! Glad we got THAT ONE out of the way.
INT: The Oracle's crappy apartment
NEW NEW ORACLE
Seraph, take Sati away. Hugo Weaving is coming here for no particular reason.
SERAPH
Okay.
Hugo Weaving arrives at the Oracle's apartment. He also surrounds the Seraph and the little girl with more copies of himself, in some other apartment of the same building.
INT: A crappy apartment in the same building as The Oracle's.
HUGO WEAVING
Hello. I am here to take you hostage for the rest of the movie until you inexplicably show up again at the end.
SERAPH
I seem to have misplaced the keys that let me run around the Matrix through backdoors in the last movie. So go ahead and take me and the little girl.
INT: The Oracle's crappy apartment
HUGO WEAVING
MuaaHAHAHAHAHAHA.
NEW NEW ORACLE
Come on.
Hugo Weaving doubts for a moment. This seems too easy. But he copies himself into the New New Oracle anyway, and keeps laughing. This PROBABLY has some MEANING.
INT: The Hammer
Keanu retires to think. Bane wakes up.
BANE
Hi, I'm Hugo Weaving, only you can't tell because it's a different actor whose body I hijacked in a split-second scene in the previous movie. I mysteriously survived the botched attack on the machines, and so I seem to be a traitor, yet I won't explain anything and appear to have a bad memory. This could mean something, or it could not. However, I have a goatee. Note that the bad guy from the first movie also had a goatee. Now, please leave me alone unrestrained with your medical officer and this scalpel here.
EVERYONE ELSE
Ok. See you. (they leave)
Bane KILLS the medical officer. Meanwhile, Jada Pinkett Smith and her ship, the Logos, show up.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Hey, glad you could join us.
JADA PINKETT SMITH
No prob.
Keanu emerges from meditation.
KEANU REEVES
Hi. Sorry I took so long. I know we are about to face imminent extinction, but I wanted to spend a few hours and see if I could get out of this plot-mess nicely. But I can't. So I'll go to the Machine City, which at least should look cool.
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Okay, take my ship. The Oracle said this would happen. Sort of.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
When was that?
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Oh, it was in the videogame, Enter the Matrix, available for PS2, XBOX, and PC. Sorry if you didn't play it.
THE OTHER CAPTAIN
This is stupid.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Do you have a better idea?
The OTHER CAPTAIN looks at the WACHOWSKI BROTHERS, who SHAKE THEIR HEADS.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Okay then.
KEANU REEVES
Hey Laurence. Sorry I didn't explain anything at all of what is really going on here and once I'm gone you'll still think this is the year 2199, and you still believe in the prophecy and such, even though we know that's not true. Gotta go!
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
(hugs Keanu). That's allright. I get paid anyway.
Carrie-Anne Moss and Keanu Reeves go into the LOGOS. Bane is ALREADY THERE. The Hammer LEAVES.
BANE
Hello Keanu. I am here to blind you with some implausibly well-placed electric cables so you can see the machines through your Matrix sense once your eyes are all burned up.
KEANU REEVES
Nicely done. Anything else?
BANE
No, not really. Oh, wait. I have to say this: "Not impossible. *Inevitable*".
KEANU REEVES
Cool.
INT: Zion.
CAPTAIN MIFUNE
Hey, we're about twenty guys against a quarter million of these squid things, I mean Sentinels. But that's ok. We have lots of ammo. And they won't really try to kill us too fast anyway, so it will look cool.
THE KID
Hey, I want a part in this movie too. I don't get residuals otherwise.
CAPTAIN MIFUNE.
Stick around. I'm sure you'll be able to save the day at some point.
A huge battle follows. The Sentinels fly around THE DOCK without going further. They MOVE in SWARMS. It looks COOL.
INT: The Hammer.
Jada Pinkett Smith is PILOTING. She is an AWESOME pilot. The OTHERS in the ship note this loudly and often in SURPRISE, even though they've KNOWN her for YEARS.
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Hey boys, go fire at those Sentinels that are chasing us.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
But I thought we didn't have any weapons against the machines other than the EMP. At least that's what Carrie-Anne told Keanu in the first movie.
JADA PINKETT SMITH
(shrugs)
LINK
Cool. This is like a videogame.
THE OTHER CAPTAIN
Damn right. Just wait until we start releasing the spin-offs.
They KEEP the Sentinels at BAY with the guns they never had before. They approach Zion. They do LOSE the RADIO, so they won't be able to tell Zion that it's THEM arriving. Massive suspense builds. EVERYTHING looks VERY COOL.
AN OPERATOR
Commander, something strange is on the scopes.
COMMANDER LOCK
Who cares? It's not as if I can do anything right? We are surrounded from all sides and we almost have no weapons left.
AN OPERATOR
It's a ship. Let's open the gates.
COMMANDER LOCK
No. Besides, there would be no suspense if I just let you open the gates.
AN OPERATOR
Come on... Please? Pretty Please?
COMMANDER LOCK
Ok. Open the gates.
The SUSPENSE goes NOWHERE. The door mechanism is broken however. The Kid shows up and SAVES THE DAY, releases the mechanism of the door by shooting it up. Link's wife shows up ALSO to HELP HIM.
THE KID
Yay! I saved the day!
The gates open. As soon as the Hammer enters the dock, they blow the EMP. All the Sentinels DIE.
AN OPERATOR
Wow. We hadn't thought of that to defend the city.
COMMANDER LOCK
You fool. Of course we thought of that. But it would have been too easy to defend the city by triggering a set of timed EMPs one after another, or to rig the tunnels with EMPs. There would be no fight. And what would we do then with all the workstations and the CG software we got for the previous movie? Besides, you'll see there are more Sentinels ready.
AN OPERATOR
Right. Sorry, sir. I forgot it was obvious to use EMPs way back when at the beginning of the war too, instead of screwing up the climate for no reason.
COMMANDER LOCK
Now you're getting it.
More Sentinels ARRIVE. The Humans descend to the LOWEST LEVEL of Zion, but the Sentinels ARE STILL DIGGING. The end approaches.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Keanu is still up there. He will save us through some implausible means.
EXT: The Earth's surface, approaching Machine City.
Keanu is BLIND, his eyes covered with CLOTH.
KEANU REEVES
With this get-up, I hope everyone sees that I'm supposed to be a martyr.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Don't worry, they will. Hey, there's the city. Look, they are lining up thousands of cannons to destroy us.
KEANU REEVES
No problemo. I'll stop them.
He STOPS THEM. The bombs explode in MID AIR. It looks COOL. A few Sentinels LATCH onto the BACK of the SHIP as well..
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Sentinels. Kill them too.
KEANU REEVES
I can't. There's too many.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
What? There are only a few Sentinels. You're stopping thousands of bombs already. What could possibly be the problem with a few more machines?
KEANU REEVES
It doesn't work like that. Fly into the upper atmosphere instead.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
This is a *hovercraft*. Not an airplane.
KEANU REEVES
Who are you going to trust? Sir Isaac Newton or me? Point this thing up.
The Hovercraft SHOOTS UP past the cloud cover, and we see THE BEAUTIFUL SKY. Then, like Wile E. Coyote, they REALIZE they can't fly, the ship starts to fall. They have, however, FLOWN PAST the city's defenses, which apparently are only pointed to the outside and can't turn around. The ship FALLS, accelerating rapidly.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
Weird. The engines are off now, even though they were on a second ago.
KEANU REEVES
Of course. We need to crash so you can die.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
But wait, the city is hundreds of square miles in size! How will we get to the right place?
KEANU REEVES
Don't worry about that now. It's all taken care of.
They CRASH. Carrie-Anne Moss is IMPALED with some sort of metallic pole which somehow showed up in the COCKPIT.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
You know, when I was dying in Reloaded my last words where 'I'm sorry'. But that wasn't what I wanted to say. Couldn't remember my lines. Luckily enough, you revived me so I could die properly again... (she goes on talking about how she didn't say what she actually wanted to say for a few minutes). Ooops! Almost no time again! D'Oh! I love you. Kiss me.
He KISSES her. She DIES. We are reminded of the Merovingian's Theory of everything being CAUSE and EFFECT.
KEANU REEVES
Noooo!
EXT: The Machine City
Keanu Walks off the ship, seeing everything through his Matrix-sense. We see a lot of COOL-LOOKING spidery machines. A bigger machine SHOWS UP floating at the EDGE of a CLIFF and turns a SWARM of smaller machines into a HUMAN FACE. Suddenly the face can TALK, too, even though it obviously has no vocal chords and there's no reason for it to have SPEAKERS.
DEUS EX MACHINA
Speak.
KEANU REEVES
Wait a minute. If you're the Matrix, which is a meta-human entity, how come you can anthropomorphize yourself? Isn't it impossible for a hive mind like you to appear as a single entity? Plus, since there's no Matrix-within-Matrix, all of this makes little sense.
DEUS EX MACHINA
Um....
KEANU REEVES
Nevermind. Look, here's the deal. I have to go into the Matrix again. We have a bunch of cool special effects to show off yet. I will kill Hugo Weaving somehow, even though I couldn't before when he was less powerful and even though you can't kill him either, and in return we'll have peace.
DEUS EX MACHINA
Good idea. Off you go.
Keanu GOES INTO THE MATRIX. There are millions of Hugo Weavings. It's RAINING and it looks COOL. In Zion, the Sentinels immediately STAND DOWN, even though Keanu hasn't held up to his part of the bargain yet. Laurence Fishburne APPROACHES one of the Sentinels, who is now CUTELY squirming on the GROUND.
INT: Zion
SENTINEL
Pet me.
EXT: The Matrix
HUGO WEAVING
Hello, Mr. Anderson.
KEANU REEVES
Again with that? That stopped being funny ten reels ago.
HUGO WEAVING
Okay. Let's get on with it then. Here's how it is. There are millions of us, but only one of us will fight you, while the others look on with interest. Plus, now I can fly too.
KEANU REEVES
Fine.
They fight. It looks COOL. They fly. It looks COOL. They fight. It looks COOL. They open up CRATERS on the ground with their IMPACTS and they still survive. It looks REALLY COOL. Keanu looks beaten.
HUGO WEAVING
Why do you keep fighting?
KEANU REEVES
Because I *choose to*.
HUGO WEAVING
And that's supposed to explain something?
KEANU REEVES
I'm just reading my lines, you know. Look. Let's end this thing. You can copy yourself into me now.
Hugo Weaving COPIES HIMSELF into Keanu. He smiles. Keanu displays NO EMOTION, as usual.
HUGO WEAVING
I win! (a second later). Something's wrong.
We see Deus Ex Machina doing something with Keanu's BODY, and this might or might not have MEANING. It was a TRAP. Keanu let Hugo Weaving get into him so that he could destroy all the Hugo Weavings through their other-wordly connection to each other. Keanu can do this though he's ALREADY dead.
HUGO WEAVING
Nooooooo! This doesn't make any sense!
AUDIENCE
You figured that out just now?
All the Hugo Weavings EXPLODE. The GOOD guys WIN.
INT: Zion.
THE KID
Yay! It's over!
AUDIENCE
(agrees)
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Oh Keanu.
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Oh Keanu.
They embrace lovingly, even though Jada Pinkett Smith's boyfriend, shown a second before, is standing two feet behind them, off camera.
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
The Prophecy was true.
JADA PINKETT SMITH
What? No, no, no. There was no prophecy, remember?
LAURENCE FISHBURNE
Shush, honey pops. All is well.
EXT: A Park, Presumably inside the Matrix. Or somewhere altogether different.
We see the Matrix apparently being rebuilt, but we can't be sure. The Deja-Vu effect with the black cat we saw in the FIRST MOVIE shows up AGAIN, though this time it looks COOLER.
NEW NEW ORACLE
Hiya.
THE ARCHITECT
Hello. Glad we could all be here for this gratuitous scene that explains nothing and further confuses the audience.
The SERAPH and the LITTLE GIRL also appear.
NEW NEW ORACLE
I'm glad we could all be here too, particularly since we seemed to have been consumed by Hugo Weaving earlier. (to the Architect) So? Are you really going to let those saps be free?
THE ARCHITECT
Of course. What do you think I am, human? Even though we have already seen software programs display a wide range of emotions throughout the trilogy, including Love, Greed, and Rage, and some have also had children, I am incapable of betrayal.
NEW NEW ORACLE
Right.
The sun raises.
NEW NEW ORACLE
(to the little girl) Nice sunrise, Sati.
LITTLE GIRL
Thanks, I did it for Keanu. Do you think he'll be back? Or not?
NEW NEW ORACLE
What? And kill a multi-billion dollar franchise like this? Of course he'll be back. If not him, I'm sure we can convince other actors. Plus, we have the comic, books, and other things in the pipeline. You'll see. It will all be allright. Here, have a candy.
The little girl SMILES. They are all HAPPY. The sun SHINES.
THE END
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